comment whhaaaattt ahahhahaa. [16 Jan 2006|01:24pm] i really have no idea what this post is going to be about.. i have an absolutely crazy life. and i really just want someone to come over and laugh with me. so i can avoid studying. really really really. K BYE!!

!!! comment visit www.asofterworld.com [12 Jan 2006|03:33pm] this is one of my favorites, but they're all pretty neat. its beautiful out today and is getting me in a .. better? mood. i really can;t wait for spring.. brighter skies bring lighter hearts.

!!! comment a little less than a human being. [11 Jan 2006|08:42pm] [ mood | cynical and pessimistic ] whenever i get this down i just try to tell myself "well atleast i'm alive." because its true. atleast i'm alive. but even though i tell myself that.. it doesn't prevent me from feeling like i'm being swallowed alive and drowning in a world that doesn't care two shits about whether or not i can swim. its crazy.. i have no feeling for just about everything i used to love. like writing and reading and school in general. or even normal everyday things like sleeping and eating and sitting and standing and laughing and crying and tv and going out with friends. its like i don't like it, but i don't not like it. i just.. i'm uneffected by all of it. i don't know anymore.. i serioulsy don't. i'm going crazy. oh well.

whhhaattt the FUCK. [08 Jan 2006|10:45pm] i just wish i could scream and cry and yell as loudly as i wanted. and kkick and punch and scratch anyone or anything around me. i'm so fucking frustrated and i just want to break down. i'm tired of standing up and being who i;m supposed to be. i want to lay down and be anyone else. i'm tired of trying to make sense or trying to fix things or just trying period. .. i promised myself i wouldn't let everything get to me. but how can i fucking not when every part of my world is falling apart? sometimes you just need to be able to lean on the closest person to you.. sometimes you just need them to be able to support you until you can breathe again. sometimes, i think its okay to depend on someone else. where is everyone, i need anyone.

!!! comment i've tried everything. [08 Jan 2006|12:13am] [ mood | weird.. ] [ music | dresden dolls ] i'm in love with the three most amazing people. the three people i can count on to never let me down. the three people who know me better than anyone else. ( ... )

even if i quit, theres not a chance in hell i'd stop. [02 Jan 2006|11:01pm] biting keeps your words at bay. tending to the sores that stay, happiness is just a gash away. when i open a familiar scar pain goes shooting like a star, comfort hasn't failed to follow so far. and you might say it's self-indulgent, you might say its self-destructive. but, you see, it's more productive than if i were to be healthy. and pens and penknives take the blame, crane my neck and scratch my name. but the ugly marks are worth the momentary gain. when i jab a sharpened object in, choirs of angels seem to sing hymns of hate in memorandum. and you might say it's self-indulgent, and you might say it's self-destructive. but, you see, it's more productive than if i were to be happy.

!!! comment uneffected. [01 Jan 2006|02:12pm] i don't care.

!!! comment my favorite quote from anything ever.. [19 Dec 2005|04:51pm] [ mood | ridiculously happy ] [ music | billie holiday<33 ] would you just stay with me? stay with you? what for? look at us, we are already fighting. well that's what we do. we fight. you tell me when i'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and i tell you when you're being a pain in the ass. which you are, 99% of the time. i'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. you have like a two second rebound rate and you're back do doing the next pain in the ass thing. so what. so it's not going to be easy. it's going to be really hard. and we're going to have to work at this every day. but i want to do that because i want you. i want all of you, forever, every day.

!!! comment the worst is over, you can have the best of meee. [13 Dec 2005|09:36am] [ mood | wicked pumped ] [ music | the starting line in my head ] fiiirssst of all; HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY RON, I LOVE YOU GIRL!! its veronicas birthday and we had a cupcake party in ap lit. for her and it was so cute hahah. annndd than today after school we're going to all you can eat tuesdays at papa gs for her. mm so pumped about that. except kind of not because seriously, i'm ballooning up. i've gained so much weight since.. school started i think? and its gross.. i need to diet so bad. but than all of my friends and my boy and everyone i hang with eats fast food alot and its hard not to. buttt i think from today on, i'm definitely cutting out all soda and sugar high drinks. and i'm eating special k for two meals a day and than a big healthy lunch? yeah. healthy.. lets see out this works. anyways everything else is good. i need to go christmas shopping asap! i need to buy stuff for my fam. kalaine, chrissy, rene ash and sandra maybe? i don;t know about that though.. and micah :). okay i should probably go back to class at some point.. xoxo oh and ps. semi was saturday annndd this picturre is my new favorite:

!!! comment some wise words for you; [30 Nov 2005|02:28pm] [ mood | lame/confused ] [ music | come one ilene ] don't believe in anyone but yourself, don't rely on anyone but yourself. viva la independence!

!!! comment yeaah! [20 Nov 2005|09:45pm] [ mood | happy, yo! ] [ music | alkaline trio ] we are so madly in love, it's ridiculous. these girls are my heart. +ALL OF MY OTHER FRIENDS ARE MORE THAN AMAZING. LOVE YOU.

!!! comment do you miss me, miss misery, like you say you do? [11 Nov 2005|07:46pm] [ mood | tired and content. ] [ music | elliott, who else? ] life has been good the past month, abnormally good. but i think after such a terrible summer that things need to start looking up. i mean, they can't fall down anymore than they have. and its an over all feeling. its a huge wave of relief, happiness, of whatever thats infecting everyone i know. thats bringing back to life what was left of things, thats making everyone feel again. i'm happy. and i really, truly, whole heartedly hope that this infection is reaching all of you too, making you happier than you've ever been.

!!! comment really, saves the day is the best thing thats ever happened to me [28 Oct 2005|07:02am] [ mood | slweeepy ] [ music | elliott ] i've needed to see that band more than anything. and last night i ran into a lot of old friends, it was nice. if you went, i hope you had a blast :].

fuck. [19 Oct 2005|09:29pm] sorry for complaining, but everything feels so wrong. everythings felt so wrong.. for weeks, for months. i can't remember the last time i was actually happy. and i wish i could gte out of this. i wish i could move on fromthis. this whatever, this depression, this rut. this fcking hole that i just can't seem to get out of. fuck.

!!! comment i've packed a change of clothes and its time to move on. [02 Oct 2005|07:59pm] [ mood | real tired ] [ music | deathcab ] ( alotalotalot of pictures, be prepared. ) luke, kalaine and i had a fabulous evening last night. it was a whole lot of fun, and i've missed those two more than anything. also, listen to my schedule for this week; tomorrow brighams 4-9, tuesday- wednesday- thursday cvs 3-7, friday brigahms 4- 930. i need to go to a good library this weekend so i can do all of my research for ap. someone hold my hand, i'm getting too stressed out and need someone to tell it me its all under control and okay. please.

!!! comment so.. [22 Sep 2005|04:30pm] [ mood | sososo exhausted ] [ music | deathcab for cutie ] you're looking at the newest brighams employee. its pretty much the only thing i've got going for me right now, besides 376 research papers and pounds upon pounds of homework. i'm not going to saves the day anymore, unless some amazing random friend pops out of nowhere and offers to go with me. sweet.

!!! comment dsjkdjfj wooowoooo. [08 Sep 2005|06:44pm] [ mood | i would never do homework. ] [ music | rebel music, cuz i'ma rebel. ] HEY! HEY SCHOOL!! eat shit :). EDIT*also, i just made this two seconds ago, at like 740. because i would do anything to delay homework. annndd its pretty cuteee i think bahahah.

[05 Sep 2005|02:24am] i don't want anything to do with you ever again. everytime you open your mouth, you make me feel like shit. just please, please leave me alone. i don't talk shit about you, i don't even talk to you. theres no need to be mean, no need to be anything. so please. just stop, just leave me alone.

!!! comment love, love, love. KEEP LOVING. [04 Sep 2005|10:11am] [ mood | SOO tired. ] [ music | american nightmare ] "You're thinking too much about this choice. It's not the end of the world if you're wrong, and in fact there's no way to tell which choice is wrong without trying each option out. Test the water and then plunge in. No looking back." that was my horoscope for today. i posted it here because well, sometimes its just weird how accurate they can be. anyways last night was alotta fun. bonfire&& beach sleep out. TONS of random people, falling down from extreme hugging, laughing, running from the pooolice, swiss rolls:), best friends, getting kicked out, going back anyways(rebels!!), laughing SO hard, trying to pee on the beach, keeping him up, watching my friends steal palm trees, no sleep, just spooning. aahh, so long sweet summer, you'll be missed.

!!! comment damn it feels good to be a gangstaaa. [01 Sep 2005|01:46am] blahblahblah, i don't care anymore. no point in caring about unimportant things or people that will bring me down. its just a waste of time && energy. live life for now, have fun, be happy no matter what!! i hadda fun night. drove around with chris for awhile&& had some deep heart to hearts. stopped by kimmies&& sang to her (ILU BIRTHDAY GIRL!!). and i finally got to see the long lost love of my life, miss vi. than i went to carolines for cleos birthday!! that was neat, alot of cool kids were there. annnnddd than some boooii picked me up and we saw some weird movie&& searched for the midget colonies. hahahaa, cuuuuteee :). hope you're night was enjoyable as well, ol' chaps. ahahah, whaaaat, i'm so random.

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